SUCKBLOG winter 06

JANUARY 1, 2006: NEW YEARS LOFT SHIT

This is it. The year ended on some cosmic connection tip. Not gonna bore you with where I was and what I drank and who I was with. (all dope shit BTW) Suffice it to say that my whole trip for 2006 and beyond was summed up at a loft party at about 11:45 PM when two far flung girls from crazy opposite ends of the sucklife (as well as the country) were suddenly next to each other on the couch meeting each other for the first time, sniffing each other out, each wondering "who the fuck is this crazy bitch?" completely unware of the incredible adventure I have in store for them. I felt like Emperor Palpatine in one of his "everything is transpiring as I have forseen" moments. What the fuck am I talking about? Just wait. All my grand schemes are unfolding. My impossible dreams are comming true. The world is mine. The future is....NOW!!

JANUARY 6, 2006: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Yeah 2005 rocked. New Years rocked. I suddenly have all these great friends. After years of being lonely and miserable I finally have a good solid group of peeps I can call my crew. I have girls and I have a lot of cool things going on in my life. Now that I'm Mr. Popular for a change, guess what? It's annoying! I'm really trying hard to catch up on my work and do this sculpture that I'm really into. I'm sitting in my studio trying to get stoned and work and the phone keeps ringing. All these wonderful people are calling me wanting to hang out and do cool shit and have sex with me. Yeah yeah ok guy that's great, can it wait? I really want to just do my sculpture right now. Can you call back? Jesus already. Yeah I know, I'm cool, but come on...

JANUARY 12, 2006: IN THE HOLE

...working working....this is boring...working...making shit...making toys...working working...god it's late..work...doing stuff...tired...working...working... I can't hang out..I'm working...Working on stuff... coffee...I'm Busy...repetative tasks..working...blowing off phone calls..busy..working... masturbate... working... working... uggh... working... working ...ok beer now... working ... working... a lot more to go..bustin ass...working... working... I'm sick of it.. working more... got the talk radio on.. fucking busy... at work.. working.. my ass off... working... working..work..... hey, these are comming out pretty cool....

JANUARY 16, 2006: STATUS QUO

Ahh shit, sorry guys, nothing at all to report. Just blogging to exercise my fingers. Yeah I was up on the mountaintop on new years. But I guess getting over to the next mountaintop means trooping thru this here valley. Oh well. There are lots of cool projects sprouting up , but they all require mad nurturing, so I'm on some nurturing dad fag shit now. God I need some trouble in my life right now...

JANUARY 29, 2006: YEAR OF THE DOG

A new moon on Chinese new year at the end of a mellow but productive month puts the SUCKLORD in a good place for the next round of iLLing. Yes, 2006 is now 1/12th over and so far it's a winner. Not much to blog about on the day to day, (hence the short and few entries this month.) Yes, each day was much the same as the last with no monumental crazy things happening. But looking back at it as a whole, January was kinda fresh. Got back to work on the Suckfigs, dropped a whole new batch, including the new SUCKLORD 77 upgrade and the new version of the GALACTIC JERKBAG. Sold enuf to pay the rent and also set up mad molds for the next round. Put mad effort into two secret big willy toy projects that are in development. All on the hush. Shhhh! Also kept working on the new BAND of the LOST mix cd with BILLIONS McMILLIONS and the CRYSTAL PHAROAH. It's a great tape. You guys will hear it soon. Crazy DYI steez. Did do some mellow partying and going out, smoked mad weed as usual. Actually had the plesure of trying a new method of smoking previously unknown to the Sucklord: Kind bud rolled in a banana leaf. Some kid who was in Thailand said that's how they do there so he built one up. Cool lemongrass looking joint tied together with a strand of leaf. Nice easy smoke. Really like it. Way beter than blunts for sure. Less harsh but a good big, clean hit. What else was good in January? Oh yeah, so I did it, I let someone catch me like I said I would. I have been laying out with a fly new piece. My spooky cantonese cutie from Staten Island. Keepin it real! Yes yes yall! It's a good hang. Keeping the Sucklord off the streets. Wonderful girl. A sexy nerd. Amazing bod. Good dancer. Rocks Doom masks... So yeah, did mad Sise shit this month too. We got like 100,000 downloads of our single on fuckin iTunes. That's alot! Then we got new mangaers and played a smoldering sold out show at SOB's. People got open. Just wrapped the weekend up at dim sum in C-town for new year. Year of the Dog. I ate too many fucking dumplings this month. I don't wanna get fat. Tomorrow I start my new gig working at TOYFAIR setting up HASBRO's showroom. Gotta work 18 days straight with no breaks. Also gotta juggle Sucktoy production, SiSe shit, all the ToyFair parties, AND gotta make time with the lady. Gonna be hectic. Whew! Ok, I'm ready.

FEBRUARY 2, 2006: POOL FOOLS

Yeah, shit in New York just stays interesting. Always something new to do. My pal CHARLIE BECKER decided that it was his birthday and invited everyone to his party. Guess what? It was a pool party! How can that be? It's winter in New York. Well there is this hotel called the QT and they have a bar with a pool in it. I guess you don't have to stay at the hotel to use the pool. You just have to buy a drink and you can swim for free. So a bunch of heads rolled up there last nite. I showed up with Spooky Booty and we put on our suits and got in the water. It was this dope, kind of modern, minimal, dimly lit room with a DJ and a fuckin window from the pool to the bar. So we are in the pool, we got drinks and it was a full on party. It was such a New York experience. A stylish pool full of thirtysomething professionals who all had to work the next day, chilling in some funky lounge scene getting drunk in a fly pool at 11:30 on a wednsday night. How random. Plus there were these two cute korean chicks getting all lezzie on each other in the water as their investment banker boyfriends kept feeding them alcohol and encouraging their scandalous behavior. Props to Chuck B for not boring me with his party! Gotta do this one again!

FEBRUARY 5, 2006: SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Smoked a big hash joint and saw BRIDE of FRANKENSTEIN at the Boris Karloff film festival with Spooky Bootie. It was at the Film Forum. How was the game? Who was playing? I heard the commercials weren't too good this year. The movie was deep. Alone...bad...Friend...Good! Drink...good. Smoke...SMOKE GOOD!

FEBRUARY 12, 2006: HASBRO LOCKDOWN

Got a Job. It's TOYFAIR again here in NYC. For the rookies out there, TF is the big annual trade show for the toy industry. It's a huge deal involving two huge showroom buildings on 24th st and a big chunk of the Javits center. In addition to using TF as a platform for pushing all the dubious plastic crap that Suckadelic makes, the Sucklord also has a job working in the HASBRO showroom. Hasbro is the second largest toy company in the world, making such immortal lines as STAR WARS, GI JOE, and TRANSFORMERS. They also own PLAYDOH, MY LITTLE PONY, and PLAYSKOOL. I work for the company that makes all the signs and graphics that go up in the showroom. I spend 3 weeks in here putting up all that crap and then hanging out all day with a walkie talkie in case something falls down. Nothing ever does so I have to kill 9 hours everyday for almost 2 weeks. I just eat free food and drink fuckin soda until it's time to leave. It's easy and pays well but it's boring and cutting into ME time. Plus there are a bunch of Toyfair parties that I want to go to, but I have to be cool and not get fucked up cuz I have to get up at 7am every day. Don't get weekends off. It gets a little draning. Yeah there are mad perks like free food and free toys, plus a chance to meet peeps in the industry. As probably the most underground and independent toy maker ever, its a good learning experience to be around this corporate toy juggernaut to learn and co-opt from. Lots of buzz words like "sizzle" and "play value" floating around here. Nobody really cares about art here. It's all about the $$$$$. That's why they killed the best toyline ever made, XEVOZ, after only one year. They don't know shit about breaking new properties, only milking the tried and true. I like it though. They have been good to me. I have been doing this for the last 10 years and I loved it (mostly). Well there is only a week left. Gotta get back to the Suckhole soon and make more of my own shit. Missing out on lots of fun and I need to get back into that ass. I love toys.

FBRUARY 15, 2006: VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE

Wow, don't even know which end is up these days. Busting ass to get to HASBRO early every morning just to spend the day sleeping in the break room is killing me. Haven't had a day off in like 10 days or whatever. Losing track of time and space. All the toyfags from all over the designer world are in town for TOYFAIR as well so I had to get out and make the scene. Had some peeps over to theSUCKHOLE the other day to build and talk about some big moves for the 06. Next level, here come me. Then I went to a party at YOYA MART. Powwowed with Jim from STRANGE CO. the guys from FRIENDS WITH YOU and that guy who designed the plastic subway train KLIM K. This toy art scene is pretty cool and I'm glad to be part of it, but damm sometimes these events are just a bunch of toy designer fag dudes standing around jerking each others dicks. I'm dismayed by the derth of females in this feild. Come on ladies, we want to hear from you. SO moving on, monday I went to the party at HI 5 in Willyburg. That was a more festive scene. Good food and wine and cool cute nerdy girls geeking on toy shit. There was a DJ and the music was hot. Did some mushing around on the dance floor, some full moon vibe. Saw peeps like NYC LASE, and a bunch of other toy peoples. JAKUAN and whoever. Can never remember anybody's fuckin name anymore. Regrettably had to skip the Kid Robot party. Why couldn't these people stagger their events? Then on Tuesday I went to TOYFAIR at JAVITS center to check out some other heads. My distributor DOV KELEMER has a cool little set up going. Black display cases and a black rug. His operation was tight, the SUCKFIGS were on full view and he was sitting there calmly making deals happen. The better he does, the better I do, so props to DKE for providing a necessary service to all us toy fags trying to get over. It was Valentine day so I meet this particular person I'm seeing and gave her a Playdoh valentine heart that they gave out free at Hasbro. I think she thought it was a lame gesture. Went to a party at THE SHOWROOM for the release of this MTV book about toy jerkoffs. I was kinda pissed at not being included in this compendium, but that motivates me do keep going in this shit. Okay I'm a bit of a hater, but like the Emperor says, "your hate has made you powerful." You need a hunger for revenge to make it in this world. All the happy gladhanding has its place, but a little jealousy and rivalry makes this game more interesting. Drank a bunch of miscellaneous booze. Then we moved on to CBGBs gallery for the SWEARBEARS party. This was really cool. They were doing some type of anti-toyfar and all these artists make all these sick, violent and peverse custom barbies and stuff. That was neat. I had a piece in the show so I had to check it out, but it was Valentines so I had to get all amorous and shit. So we hopped in a cab out to the crib and it started getting interesting in the back seat. Yeah. getting a litle love in the cab as the city flys by out the window when you are dippin over the Manhattan bridge. The driver kept clearing his throat and I got a little bit of an uneasy vibe from him. I looked over at his Id on the window and his name was Mohammed. I started feeling kinda bad. I didn't want to offend his Islamic sensibilties. I wasn't sure if this decadent display of western sensuality was bothering him, but I was having fun and I didn't want to stop. I understand that his culture is big on modesty and I promise not to draw any cartoons that depict the prophet. I just hope he respects the fact that he's in America now and an important part of our culture is getting a blow job in the back seat of a taxi on valentines day.

FEBRUARY 18, 2006: JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY

Aggh, I'm dead. 18 days in a row of working at the Toyfair. I'm so tired and demoralized. My hands are all fucked up. I look like shit. I spent today packing boxes and dumping garbage in a supreme and profound waste of my talents. I gotta get a new life. I was doing all this meanial shit while my enemies are making power moves. Granted I got a decent sized check and came off with a few boxes of toys for me to fuck with, but overall this shit is for the birds. Now it's over and as soon as I recover from passing out I'm comming back swinging. Look out haters!

FEBRUARY 24, 2006: I DON"T KNOW ABOUT THIS....

Agggh...Went from grinding on the Toyfair to grinding on SUCKADELIC. Spent the last 5 days busting out a bunch (I mean a huge bunch) of Suckproducts by hand. Some work til 3Am shit. I need a fuckin intern...Anyway point is, I'm having some misgivings about this blog. I mean I'm trying to be as open and honest as I can be here, but I find myself living my life in terms of this confessional sometimes. Like when something deep or meaningful happens to me I immediatley think "how am I gonna blog about this?" Or like " I really want to do this wrong and evil thing, but I can't because I won't be able to blog about it" It's sick. It as if this journal is the final word on my existance and actually means something as the official record of my life, which is cool. But it's got to the point where it affects how I live and the decisions I make. Like I need to keep some things secret, for many reasons. I need to lie and manipulate sometimes. I have my hidden motives and yet another more "secret self" that never gets on this dumb website. I can't put certain shit out there even if I really want to. Where to draw the line? Like I got a girl now, so I can't put her business out in the open, but that's a big part of my blog, the sex life! Without that it's gonna be boring! I just came frow viewing the body of HAROLD HUNTER at the funeral home. I didn't know him well, but his passing definatley set off a big wave of feeling and introspection. I really want to go off on that. I think my thoughts and obsevations on that sucject are interesting. As a matter of respect I choose not to disclose them here, but the omission of these thoughts is a detriment of this weblog. I dunno, brutal honestey is nice, but silence is golden sometimes...

MARCH 1, 2006: BIONIC COLONIC

I sound like a sucker in that last entry.... Anyway, it's a new moon in Aries on the 1st day of March. Good time to make moves upgrading the mortal vessel. (aka my body) Doing dentist shit and all that. Went and got a colonic today. You know, when they pump water into your large intestine to break down all the built up plaque and undigested food that tends to remain there if you eat the typical American diet? How do they get the water in there? UP YOUR ASS! Yes some dude stuck a metal cathater into my little rectum and proceeded to fill and drain my colon with warm water as he massaged my stomach for 45 minutes. All right, I know what you're thinking and yeah, in another context this could be interpreted as a fairly deviant scene. But this was happening in a nice well lit new agey sort of massage "healing center," so it was legit. Why do I want to do this? Think about it. If you eat meat and fried food and cheese and junk food and even stuff like rice and pasta, you are gonna get some leftovers in your large intestine. The body can't break down all that stuff, especially red meat. Our bodies aren't really meant to process all that stuff. We have the digestive system of a herbavore. Meat tends to remain in the colon where it proceedes to rot. That could lead to colon cancer. Plus all that blockage traps gas, which could lead to bloating. If you have any kind of gut or belly, it's not all fat. It's trapped gas in a weighed down large intestine. All that accumulated crap just stays in there and toxins can be released into your blood stream, causing all kinds of health problems. That's why I get these things once a year. I gotta live and stay looking good. How you gonna be an evil villain and conquer the world and screw all the chicks if you have colon cancer? I'm not trying to get old yet. I got wars to wage and I need to be slim, trim, and feeling fit. Maybe you think it's weird taking an assisted shit with a pipe in you ass, and that's fine. You keep eating at Wendy's every day. I'm gonna eat broccoli and get yearly colonics. We'll compare notes in twenty five years, if you're still around.

MARCH 12, 2006: MARCH MAYHEM!

Everything is happening at once! The universe was all calm and orderly and shit, then suddenly blam! Crisis time! Getting kicked out of the SUCKHOLE this month! Just when the toy production was blowing the fuck up. Gotta move now! Shooting this SI*SE video too. That's cool, but what bad timing. We're going to SINGAPORE tuesday for a show. Amazing! But why now? Plus my crazy friend from Cali is comming to town when I get back. Gonna do the BIG APPLE COMIC CONVENTION. Plus we are supposed to be shooting a fuckin movie! I got meetings comming up. Need to make some prototypes. How is this all getting done? This is the most hectic it's been ever! Yet somehow I'm chillin like a motherfucker; excited about life and the future. I'm not really stressed at all. Go figure. Well, can't really do much until tomorrow. Gonna get stoned, eat Italian food, and watch The SOPRANOS. It's all good ya'll.

MARCH 20, 2006: SINGAPORE SUCKOFF!

Took a little trip to SINGAPORE for a SI*SE concert. Here's what happened:

Day 1: Couldn't believe how smooth the trip to the airport was. I think we may finally be getting the hang of this touring shit. About time, it's only been like 6 years. We had minimal gear to bring, which is unusual, the van showed up on time and even the people who are always really late were only a little bit late this time. A good omen. We rode out to JFK under a crazy exploding skyline with a blazing sunset and dark high clouds. Awsome New York shit. Plus the full moon was up all low in the sky while it was still light out. Spectacular! There is some deep astrological shit going on now. Pluto is completing another 256 year revolution around the sun. The planet is as close to the center of the solar system as it ever gets in its orbit. Last time it was here it kicked off a little something called THE ENLIGHTENMENT. Looks like the Sucklife is getting enlited too. Mad revolution shit happening for the Sucklord. More about that later. So yeah, long fucking flight on dope CATHAY PACIFIC airlines. Went from NYC to Vancouver to Hong Kong and finally Singapore. Some huge 27 hour flight. My ass was killing me from sitting so long. Food was good. Never had congee on a plane before. Mad chinese people up on the flight. Gotta say I love those split leg skirts the stewardeses rock when they serve you. Sunrise was a total horizon orange band over the south china sea. Damm the Earth is big. Jet lag is gonna be murder...

Day 2: Chillin at the Oriental Singapore five star hotel. Banging spot. Big 20 story amphitheater type building. All hollow on the inside with tiers of rooms all around. Making time up at the pool. Was actually in S-Pore once before years ago with Pops. All I remembered was that this place is mad clean, you can't chew gum, and they put you to death for having drugs. No weed for me I guess. There's always booze to help get me back on. This is the first time SI*SE has been to Asia. Hopefully this gig will open up some new doors. And some asscracks too. Went to a little "artist reception" at the Espelande. That's where the food overdose began. Someone in our group got into beef with dude from KINGS OF CONVIENCE cuz he was too fly to get in a picture. Fuck him. After that went down by the water. There was some little stage and some DJ crew called POP TART was spinning all this teenybopper music. It was funny. DJs in NY are waaaay too cool to actually do anything entertaining, but these kids here were singing along to the records and dancing and hyping the crowd. It was fun. So many young girls in that audience moshing to shit like Green Day. I was in there for like 2 hours talking to little cuties. They were nice, but how's that song go? "the girls look so good but their minds are not ready. I'd rather talk to a woman cuz her mind is so steady." Well I don't know about that. It was hot and late. Had to hit the mattress.

Day 3: Couldn't sleep at all. The jet lag is a motherfucker. So yo, this hotel is so fat. Everyone is so friendly. The girls are so cute and so varied. All different flavors of Asian girls here. Seen a lot of brown cuties that look like JENNY DOOM. They all have their little styles and shit. Kind of maddening in way, to have to see that. Went down to the breakfast buffet expecting some simple shit, and POW! It was a vast room of different food stations all from different asian countries. There was the have-it-your-way congee station, the japanese pickles and miso soup fish bar. There was all this indian curry and breads. Dim sum. Mad types of cheese. A salad bar, a fruit and juice bar with 2 kinds of guava juice. Peach nectar. It was endless. Sat there for like 2 hours reading the paper and eating EVERTHING. Twice. Oh yeah, did I mention that I hate Americans? Here we are surrounded by the best breakfast foods of an entire continent. A huge opportunity to enjoy all this diverse and beautiful food from all these different cultures and here's these fat midwest motherfuckers sitting there eating fucking bacon and eggs like they was at DENNYS. You make me sick! Tried to make the most of the day doing tourist shit but the crushing jet lag put a stop to that. Plus I had eaten way too much and was all fuckin constipated. Plus I was worried about all my problems at home. Tried to go to the red light district at night, but the cabbie talked us out of it with crazy scare stories. Later I found out he was full of shit. We couldn't find the rest of our crew so me and my man just walked around like stupid jerks drinking warm Tiger beer and going back early. Finally was able to catch some ZZZs when at like 4 am my roomate comes in telling me that everyone else is still out clubbing and having a blast doing shots off waitress' tits. Suddenly I'm like BOING! Wide awake. I was cool with just taking it easy, but the thought of that faggot FARLEY out there having fun and partying it up while I'm laying here holding my dick just sent me into a rage. I couldn't go back to sleep. I was so fucking jealous of the fun I was missing. I spent the next four hours laying there grinding my teeth and cursing God for depriving me of the good time I should have been having.

Day 4: Day of the show. Hit that buffet again and further punished my stomach with too much food. A huge crap is on the way. Went on some faggy boat ride and then went to sound check. Played the show. It was ok. Nice crowd. They took care of us. I was determined to make up for last night's shitty time. Suddenly it's like all these people and all these clubs and cab rides and beer after beer, all hot and sweaty in my suit losing people and getting new people, doing shots from tits and eating lemons out of the waitress' g-string, my man's credit card living in the serving girl's bra strap, 12 shots of tequila, some weird tall monster of girl trying to maul me getting dragged in the street, wilding out in the tourist area getting back to the hotel at 7am, going back to the buffet one last time then going in the pool and now I'm on the bus to the airport for an 8 AM flight trying to hit on the ticket girl incoherently with no shower and finally crashing in the seat while watching Harry Potter in chinese. what the fuck happen?

MARCH 27, 2006: BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

Well, I lost my art studio. Couldn't get a new lease on the good 'ol SUCKLHOLE, so it's good bye. It was a great run. My first dedicated art space in NYC. I did a lot of dope shit in there. I invented the SUCKFIGS there. I made the most of that spot. I was there constantly and I got really comfortable. Banged some broads, partied, fun times. But it just wasn't meant to be. Finished packing up all my shit today. Big stack of boxes. It's amazing how much shit you can rack up in a year. Got some shady Russian movers comming by in the morning to haul it away. Unfortunatley I didn't find a new studio in time, so all the crap is going back to my Mom's house. That's a setback. But the good news is that I won't be going back. I didn't find a studio, but I did come across a sweet apartment, so I took it. Yep I'm moving out! A little embarassing tidbit about the SUCKLORD, or more like a dark and shameful secret. The Evil Villain has been living with his Mom all this time! HA HA HAH! Hey, I know that's wack. Believe me I know. But you try this evil Supervillain shit for a while and we'll see how you do. This is tough road. There's no instruction manual for this. It involves a lot of thankless toil and making huge speculatave moves that often don't pay off. Money is still a major issue. You don't get the evil fortress or the super laser gun for free. It takes years to build those things. I had to lay low at Mom duke's to keep the costs down. Belive me it kept this whole SUCKADELIC racket going. I couldn't have done 1/10th of the shit I did over these last 10 years if I was working full time and floating rent. NO WAY. So now it's done. I'm flying the coup. A whole new life is starting now. A great birthday gift for me. It's wide open. But I'll tell ya, it's a little scary. Except for my lost college years, I've lived in this house in Greenwich Village since I was 4 years old. Tonight is my last night and I'll probably sleep crap because I'm gonna worry about tomorrow. I hope it goes without a hitch. GOODBYE house, you were good to me. My kids will live in you one day, but I'M THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!