SUCKBLOG fall 06

OCTOBER 10, 2006: GIVE 'EM ENOUGH ROPE!

Still doing it. Fall 2006 SUCKBLOG starts now. Last three months of a bugged out year. Everything as we know it is up for grabs. A whole new endeavor is brewing to launch. Are you with me? Are you on the bus or off the bus? Certain previously favored people in the SUCKFAMILY decided to play themselves and jump ship. Certain girls that got a lot of shine on the SUCKSITE and SUCKTOY enterprises decided she was too fly and played herself. What a shame. And she won't be the last. Other suckers looking to drop. Good. Get 'em out my way. There is a whole new power structure coming about. If you can't add to it, get out the way! Lost in a shit day job that is sapping juice from the vision. But I need the $$$. Ahh the struggle goes on! But I promise you I won't fail. I give you my solemn word, I will fight til I'm spent and gone. I will not give up until it it is achieved! I swear by the force I will not rest til it is brought forth into life for all to see and become part of. This must be....

OCTOBER 12, 2006: BALANCE OF THE FORCE

Well it turns out that the girl who really fucked up didn't fuck up at all. I just misread the situation and reacted really disproportionally. I think I need prozac. Someone posted on my messageboard that the Sucklord needs mood stabilizers. I guess they read some of my other stories. yeah. I think I may be some kind of basket case. I mean I was a little annoyed at this person, but I really let my imagination get away with me and I reacted like a crazed madman, deleting myspace profiles, sending fatalistic text messages, and ranting to my friends. I wish I could have kept a more level head. It's just around the one year anniversary of this blog. When I started it I was having an equally emotional falling out with this same person around this same time. History repeats itself? Well having gone thru this once before I know it will blow over and everything will be fine, but why go thru it at all? Is there some astrological factor that affects our charts at this time of year causing us to go bonkers on each other? Well shit, things are tough as ever. Trying to do a whole bunch of new projects involving more people as well as maintaining the old shit, paying more rent than I am really used to and suffering the whole way. Should I take prescription drugs to take the edge off? How much do they cost? I don't have health insurance.

OCTOBER 25, 2006: HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

Just thought I'd give some updates about how these two very important aspects of life are shaping up in my corner of the universe. Here goes:

HEALTH: Oh, the frailty of the body! How tenuous our grasp on this corporeal state. How easily and quickly one's pulpy and corpulent vehicle thru this realm can be shredded to bits, forever ending this fascinating story called our life. I'm not dead, but my body is constantly reminding me that it's here and needs to be taken care of. I hadda get a fuckin prostate exam earlier this month. I was having some minor pee pee issues and figured I just better accept that I'm older and this is one of the fears that men of my age need to start worrying about. Why should I be spared? So I went to the clinic and let this nice Puerto Rican lady doctor shove her greased and gloved finger up my ass to see if my equipment was still intact. It was, and it wasn't much of an ordeal. I just had a little infection that the antibiotics knocked out. But I did leave a piece of my immortality in that office. Then after that I gashed my hand really bad with an exacto knife and suffered all types of fear and horror behind it. It was a fucking deep hole on the side of my palm. I skipped gong to the hospital cuz I'm too cheap and lazy. I just taped it together and saved the money the stitches would cost. The price I paid was a week of worry that I fucked my shit up for good. Nerve damage or tetanus or gangrene some other horror could kill me or cost me my hand. I couldn't play bass for a few days and that was perfect for making me feel frail and vulnerable. I was experiencing all these strange sensations in my arm when I got high and it was all I could do to keep myself from running screaming to the hospital. But I refused to give in. Plus I got sick. I never get sick. I smoked and drank and travelled and went out in the cold like a fool. Where is my sense? I still act like a little kid who thinks he will live forever. When will I grow up? Should I grow up? My girlfriend's parents got me on this new fiber supplement which has helped to move the doo doo train thru the station. That's great. But A man my age taking fiber supplements? That's not hip-hop. My body is a weak, pale flabby liability, constantly reminding me everyday of it's existence with little pains and aches and issues that stop me from soaring thru the universe as a being of pure energy. I guess you don't do that till this little flesh car falls apart. My hand is better though...

HAPPINESS: Everything is amazing. I have good friends and an awesome girl and some new creative projects that are keeping me engaged all day and night. I'm so into what I'm doing now I can't even contain myself. However, I can't fully enjoy myself because I'm fucking BROKE! I am struggling to keep the money flowing and I fear I'm headed for a disaster. Why must this be a constant problem? What is wrong with me that I just can't figure this out and get paid and stay paid? My shit is dope. I must have some mental issue. Maybe I'm lazy. Nevertheless, this rent is killing me. I am about to go out on yet another crazy art limb and risk my financial security on some damm fool idealistic crusade to make a big batch of short supervillain podcasts that will probably not earn me any money. (Unless we sell the show.) I was laying in bed considering wether or not I should call the whole thing off. I was contemplating playing it safe and not taking the bold moves needed to get my vision off the ground. I was just gonna get a job and postpone the adventure til I could afford it. Know what? I just couldn't do it. It was completely unnatural for me to give up like that. As soon as I had my coffee in my hand I was on the computer writing the emails that I need to write to get this ball rolling. Once it starts rolling it can't be stopped. My body just went to work doing what had to be done about making this happen and it didn't even consult my brain. I hope you know what you are doing SUCKLORD. I've been down this road with you before and it always worked out fine. Let's hope THE FORCE is with us now, cuz you are gonna need it....

NOVEMBER 15, 2006: SUCKADELIC 2.0

Sorry no blog updates for a while. Lots of cool shit just happened, but sometimes you don't know what the historical relevance is til later. I don't feel like writing a long story about what happened on Halloween. No the real deal is SUCKADELIC 2.0. We are upgrading our whole operation. Re-doing the website, upgrading the SUCKFIGS and all that. The big news is that we have started making VIDEO! Yeah the villains will be launching a new Internet video channel called THE ORIGINAL VILLAIN NETWORK! We have teamed up with some quality people to act in and produce our little shows that follow the adventures of all the characters we keep making up. It's gonna be cool. The site with some content will be dropping by January. We are putting a lot of force behind this. Going kind of broke at the same time. What else is new? But this could be the big one. Can't wait to share it with the whole fuckin world! Stay tuned.

DECEMBER 1, 2006: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

Oh shit. the year is 11/12-ths over. You know what that means; FUCK IT ALL! Spend money, go into debt, be generous and wild, hope for the best in the new year and go for yours. Treat yourself. Act on those dreams! Expect that 2007 will be a great year! Expect that somehow you will figure out how to pay for it all! Yes yes. It's been a good one. The struggles continue but new worlds are being born. We don't know where we are or how we got here or where we are going or how we are going to pay for it, but what ever we are doing it seems to be cosmically working. So many elements coming together in wild kaleidoscopic ways that prismatically overtwine with each other; breaking new waves. What the fuck am I talking about? You'll see. we are getting it all on tape. Literally. The stories are unfolding digitally. Look for the sucklife broadcast on the web in the '07. ORIGINAL VILLAIN NETWORK. See the strange and weird characters that are coming to life. BARON DARKOWL, VECTAR THE INTOLERABLE, CRIMSON SUICIDE, JUNCULA! So many freaks in masks with a story to tell. The betrayals, the sleaze, the golf games, the exotic locales. You don't even know, I'm learning final cut pro, yo! Mad deep lab shit. I can't wait to show you guys. Plus I have a dope girl and I am having good sex and eating well and getting a lot of rest. Also reading a lot and practicing my rhymes. Working on trying to make better toys. Pushing for more TV. Making next level music with a dope crew. It's a long hard struggle, but the early results show that 2007 will be a sexy and productive year. I have not been so psyched about the blog so much lately. The day to day has been pretty routine. Nothing to write. But the overall accumulative effect is starting to look swell. I will probably hit you all one more time or maybe twice more before 2006 is done. I hope you fags out there stay down with me cuz I am just getting started. The next shit is going fourth dimentional baby! MORE ASS ALL AROUND!!! YEE HAH!!

DECEMBER 24 2006: LAST DREGGS

End of the year is lookin a little soggy. Shit started to sag a little last week. I mean, the week before was dope! Got an early christmas present; that New JVC HD video camera. No tape, no disks, no cards. Just drag and drop your movie files. I love the thing and we finally got all the helmets and capes done and we filmed some shit. It was good! Working in FINAL CUT PRO. Got the dope CRYSTAL PHARAOH beats to cut to. Having mad fun. Then all of a sudden last weekend things went a little pear shaped, if you get my meaning. I had a big shoot planned, another wild off-the-cuff-get-a-bunch-of-different-freaks-together in a shaky location and only a rough script and just BLAAAH, go for it! Anyway, it fell apart. My compatriots had some reservations about some of the subject matter, some cast members were looking like they were gonna flake, and the spot we were shooting in was looking like it was gonna cause some problems. Then My friend who was in the movie had some crazy crisis. A "friend" of hers flaked out on a big expensive Christmas trip and it threw everything into chaos. The shoot never happened. Then everything got worse. I got some depressing news from my family. Can't talk about it really, but it made me feel old. I slipped into pot and alcohol abuse again. Dammit! It just creeps up. First you only smoke at nite. Then it drops to the afternoon, then late morning, then wake and bakes and all day shakes. Then add drinking. I can't work now. I'm too fucked up. And It makes me depressed. Suddenly my movies which I was so psyched on became murky, I lost direction. My friend's problem caused an ongoing strain in our friendship and it brings me down. I'm flaking out on christmas kinda. I have to go do my shopping now. I'm not really in the mood. I gotta get off drugs. That's the big thing for 2007. If I'm gonna make it in this life I need to be more effective. I need more of my brain for longer periods. Whatever stupid psychological reason keeps me stuck on this old habit has to just get out! I gotta just step up and straighten out. I can't play myself out anymore. 2007 seems like a good year to get to it. 2006 was great. It was tough and involved a lot of growing pains. 2007 will be the same, but I expect with bigger returns. I'm at a crossroads here peoples! I can keep going like I am, soggy, conflict adverse, lazy and unfocused. I need to get my shit together, blow up, and make something happen. If I stop getting high I'm gonna be a different person. I will have way too much energy and will need mad outlets for it. My brian will come back and I will be able to remember names so I can keep track if you are an asshole or not. And I'm gonna be an even BIGGER PRICK THAN BEFORE. If I'm not stoned, my snaps will be better and I won't be all self conscious and weird. I'll be confident! Nobody wants that! Yes. I think it's gonna be a good year...

DECEMBER 31 2006: VANISHING POINT

Pure peace, like the end of SOPRANOS season six. No cliffhanger. Just a moment frozen in time. The story could end here but it doesn't. We don't know what threads are going to be part of season 7 and what won't. Will there be a movie? 2006 rocked. One of the best years ever, for me anyway. I'm a lucky guy. Let's see what I do with my good luck. I can't live forever. How many shots are left in the clip? Will 2007 be a big one? I beat a major monster this year. I got the fuck out of my parent's house. But there are more challenges ahead. Like fortune and glory. Will I win life, or go out like a sucker? Keep reeding, true believer. I for one, would like to know...